I was planning my studio holiday photos for this year and looked back on recent years for inspiration. I also recently came across this blog I wrote from 2017 and wanted to share it here. Since then, I’ve had another baby who just turned 3 last week. I’m still blessed with the chaos. In fact, I woke up at 6:00 am to have some “me time” and work on business stuff but the plan failed. My now, 7 year old son and 10 year old daughter are laying across my lap as I type. He’s also reading what I type out loud haha. I hope you enjoy!
Cheers to the Chaos of Motherhood
May 2017
The greatest love I’ve ever experienced is with my children. I will forever cherish the many times my son has grabbed my face, stared into my eyes, smiled and said, “I love you, Mommy.” My heart literally skipped a beat. No love, I’ve ever received from any other person, in my lifetime, could come close to the kind of love between my kids and myself. Watching my daughter grow into the most often, wild 4 year old that she is, has been a blessing to me. Even the days when she asks me 874 questions, demands something from me every 3 minutes, pisses off her brother continuously, to get constant attention, screams as loud as she can, complains about everything, can’t sit still to save her life, spills every drink she receives…even those days (which are the most frequent) I cherish.
Today, I taught her how to mince garlic. She did excellent with the knife but I hid my nervousness well. She refused to cut the onion and made the biggest drama out of it. She demanded that I wear sunglasses because she couldn’t stand to see me cry. Asked why onions were so rude and wanted to hurt peoples eyes? I had to stop, Google the reason onions make you cry, and explain synpropanethial-S-oxide to a four year old. I will not divulge how long this conversation took. After all was said and done, we ended up making one of the best dinners ever made in our house. She was nodding her head in approval and beaming to her Dad about the dinner SHE had made, and pride got me a little emotional.
My children changed my entire outlook on life. In my 20’s, I was a bartender who loved to party. I had no fear of kayaking miles out into the rough ocean, jumping off the highest point of a waterfall, skydiving, surfing… you name it. I had many friends to call up whenever I wanted to do something fun and party. I had roommates. I was free to come and go as I pleased. Now, in my 30’s, I have a 2 and 4 year old. I haven’t gone to the bathroom alone in 4 years. I forgot what it’s like to spend hours in Target roaming free and buying crap I don’t need. Beach days consist of building sand castles on the shore. I would now, fear all of the things I used to do because I wouldn’t want my children to be left without a mother. You could say, I have a new found issue referred to as anxiety. I am a business owner, a teacher, a horsey, a tickle monster, a maid, servant, chef, baker, butt wiper, boo boo kisser, gym enthusiasts and have to remind myself to breath in between all of it. I am a breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing mom. I run off of 6 hours of sleep if I’m lucky. I can’t wipe up a spill without someone jumping on my back. I can make anything out of Playdoh. I have two friends to call for play dates. I haven’t been to a yoga class in years. And I wouldn’t change a single thing!
Sometimes, I wish I could just walk into a grocery store to grab something really quickly; without unloading kids, getting begged for everything we pass by, hearing the whining for a free cookie at Safeway, stopping someone from trying to surf in the shopping cart, forgetting the reusable bags in the car because someone was talking my ear off on the way in, and the crying if someone can’t scan the items at self check out. But I can’t, and I have learned to not only accept these facts but love them. The stay at home mom years fly by and will be short and sweet memories in my near future. I will cherish these years of chaos because I will have the next 20+ of freedom. I actually dread the day when no one wants to cruise with mommy anymore. The sensitive being that I am, will probably get super emotional when they clean up their own spills, do their own laundry and cook their own meals later on.
So the point is to cherish the chaos. Even the days when you want to crawl back in bed and cry, and it’s only 8:00 am. Or the days you have the stomach flu, your head is in the toilet and 2 people are standing over you asking when you’re taking them to the park. Or the days that you have a very important appointment, you can’t be late to and someone craps up their back. Know that some other mom, somewhere in the world is having the same shitty day. Just give up and play. You are doing your best, you are amazing, you are strong, you are killing it!
Aloha,
Stephanie
